I Will Never Heckle You
by lightening816
Summary: This day, May 16th, 2009 is the 19th anniversary of Jim Henson's death. Waldorf and his friend, Statler, have a history of heckling whenever they got the chance. Waldorf was always willing to heckle at anyone...except one...dedicated to Jim Henson.


I Will Never Heckle You

I know what it's like to see someone hurt by another one's words. I've been seeing it for as long as I can remember. I would look at them, say something mean, and although some, like that failure of a bear, Fozzie, tend to get slightly hurt by it, they always get back up again and perform all over again. That is what makes me and my friend want to heckle even more. That was always the best part. Heckling has always brought us glee. We do it, and nobody we know really complains that much. We don't care besides. We enjoy it too much. We're even paid to do it. That's another great part about it all. We do it, and in the end, we get a reasonable amount of money for it. What a life, I should say! Hard to believe that my friend and I are still doing it. Our health has not altered in these recent years and we love it.

In case no one has noticed it (I doubt it though!), my friend and I are very opinionated. We always have been. From our early days (1975, I believe) to today, May 16, 2009, this duo of ours has been insulting and heckling.

Statler…my dear friend, the two of us have been inseparable. We don't let most things get in our way, and most of the time, we agree on everything. Sometimes, confusion gets the best of us, but we always stood out in the end. Statler seems to be a little more intelligent than me. I guess I can understand that, since I always have a hearing aid and sometimes I don't understand something or I don't remember something.

We both love heckling everyone. We've heckled so many, even our fellow muppets. We've even heckled some talented stars, preferably those who were seen on the Muppet Show (our finest work!).

Statler heckles too, and does a great job of it! He heckles everyone and I respect him so much! He's my closest friend.

I heckle everybody too. At least I do now. I used to not heckle everyone. There was only one person I never heckled, no matter what. His name was easy to remember and was pronounceable. His name was Jim Henson. I can think of several reasons why I just can't heckle Jim Henson. I don't do it, Statler doesn't do it (thank God), no one does it. No one should heckle or insult him anyway. People just don't do it (smart, let me say).

Jim Henson was my boss, but he wasn't one of those abusive bosses that would call you an idiot or moron. He was the exact opposite. He was generous, intelligent, ingenious, always on his feet, and never truly alone. Statler, myself, the other muppets, and the other crew members who worked with us were always around and helping him out. Even he knew that all of our projects required more than one person, way more than one. He was not stupid, but he liked doing things differently. He wasn't a rebel or anything, he just preferred to do things the way he thought was best. How can I heckle anyone like him?

He was the one who gave me and Statler our heckling job. When he told us what we needed to do, we heckled in front of him and he loved it. We did too, but I mainly think it was his opinion that really counted.

Statler also knew Jim, but he certainly did not know him like I did. He never should have died. For God's sake, why did he have to get that stupid steptococcus virus? It just isn't fair!! That dumb virus! If it wasn't so deadly, or if it never existed, I wouldn't be in this mess of internal conflict. Damn...it shouldn't have ended, not like that. His life, I mean.

He died on May 16th, 1990 (it's May 16th, 2009 now, 19 years go by so fast). This was the worst day of the year! I HATE IT!! I HATE WITH A FREAKIN' PASSION! Woah...excuse me. I should be more careful about how I express my feelings. Have I ever done that before? I don't think so! What's happening to me? Oh my God, I'm losing my mind. I shouldn't have to go through with this. What would Jim do in this sort of jam? I don't think I know. I'd never heard raise his voice to anyone before. He was always kind, considerate towards to others, and never a threat. It would have been wise to approach him without caution. He would never raised his voice to anyone. Wow!

What a genius! A hero! An all around great man!! We in the muppet business all love him so. Even those who never knew him, like Pepe the King Prawn, Johnny Fiama, and Sal Manilla the monkey, have respect for him and would have loved to sit down and chat with him. I bet they would have had the time of their lives.

Another reason I choose not to heckle Jim Henson.

He was the one who paid us good money to do it. I'm looking at one of my old pay checks and I'm seeing Jim Henson's signature on the signature line. I always love seeing his signature. Not only does it mean money I can use for the basic life essentials, but it also reminds me of him. He gave me this great job and I've respected him since. I just can't insult him. He was always just too nice and talented. I just couldn't do it, and I probably never will. I don't have the old heart to do it. I don't even wish to have it. Ever time I looked at him from below, I would always think good thoughts. Thoughts like "everything's going to run smoothly, and nothing bad is going to happen today."

For some reason, he always seemed to let the sun shine, even when it was raining fiercely. While it was cold and rainy out there, he was always making it sunny and comfortable inside.

Basically, what I'm saying is…

I'll never heckle you, Jim Henson.

_-Waldorf_


End file.
